“Everybody seems to think I’m lazy, I don’t mind to think
they’re crazy, running everywhere at such a speed, till they find there’s no need.”
Wise words from The Beatles.
The day that I graduated from high school my older sister
handed me our house phone so that her friend (who I never did like) could
congratulate me. He said congrats and good luck and then said “welcome to the
‘real’ world.” I didn’t like it. I didn’t accept it. His words upset me and I
don’t know if it was the words, the way he said it or the fact that I never did
like or trust him. I decided that I didn’t have to worry about it quite yet
because I wasn’t entering that “real” world for at least another 4-5 years since
I was going to start college. I’ve since graduated from college, worked odd
jobs for a bit and then flew to Jamaica to serve in the U.S. Peace Corps. My
world is real. It may not be “real” the way that he had meant it, but I don’t
think it would have been a good fit for me.
Jamaica and Peace Corps has allowed me to form relationships
on a very real and honest level because I have had lots of time to become very real
and honest with myself. Who am I? What do I want to do? Who do I want to be around?
How can I truly be helpful and happy? This is as real as my life has ever been.
My facebook pictures may make it seem
like my life is a party, but hard times call for fierce dancing (na so?). My (seeming) idleness may make it seem like I’m lazy, but my next step is being planned. Life doesn't have to be constant movement and it doesn't have to be so serious all
the time.
But, anyway, I think my point here is that everyone has
their own version of “reality” and how life should be lived and sometimes some
people really want you to conform to their version and can’t and don’t want to
even try to understand your version. It
can be really frustrating for them. I am a very quiet and introverted person
and I try to say and do things with intention and so it can be a really slow
process. I have now realized how extremely frustrating that can be for those who
are not like that. I used to internalize other’s frustrations and get upset
(and I mean breaking down and bawling on the floor upset-PC friends know what I’m
talking about here) until I started to realize that I didn't have to and it has
since made my life sooo much easier. “Here, these are your frustrations, you
keep them.” Basically, I've been
practicing a lot of “not giving a shit.” Ok, that sounds harsh, but I like the
way it sounds because it’s actually not
that blunt or easy. I do give a shit, but certainly not about everything.
Living in a different
country has made me realize how human it is for others to want you to conform. Life
here is different from life back home, but there are still people that want to welcome
me into the “real” world (the view of the way life should be lived) and get
frustrated when I don’t accept. I want to be adaptable, but I also want to hang
on to my identity, my goals, and my morals. I know I sometimes border on the line of being comfortable and confident in
who I am and being a stubborn jerk. Sometimes.
But honestly, I can’t conform to everyone’s “reality” because it’s simply,
completely impossible.
